Why do we find certain things sexy, and other things un-sexy? How much of our desires are governed by genes, or culture, or individual quirks? From being turned on by “normal” things like a glimpse of an attractive body to the less mainstream attractions like fetish wear and pain, there are a variety of factors […]
Concepts
Just Because You’re Not Into It Doesn’t Mean Someone Else Can’t Be
I want to address a common misconception I see in discussions of sexual preferences, in part because it’s helping lay a foundation for a discussion of sex work I’m going to explore in some upcoming posts. People seem to have this idea that if they’re not into it, no one else can be or should […]
It’s Not Okay To Judge Consensual Sex Acts
Sigh. Okay. I didn’t want to write this post, but I guess I have to. Consider me a reluctant defender of sexual freedom, even when the particular sexual desire under question does seem kinda icky to me. Here goes: as the academic cohort on the internet knows, a recent kinky sex ad went viral and […]
I Work With Sexuality, But I’m Not Immune To Sexual Harassment
This is a continuation of my blog post, Information Is Not An Invitation. Simply put, just because I work with sexuality materials as a career doesn’t mean I’m magically immune to sexual harassment. That would be cool, but it’s not the case. As I wrote in my post about sexuality in and out of context, […]
Theorizing Consent
Consent has been on my mind lately. And since I was just at an academic conference, I’m now looking for points of convergence between the two: who has theorized consent? In which academic disciplines? For which audiences? To what effect? Sex educators have written a lot about consent, and that’s especially true on this blog. […]
Sexually Active ≠ Unprincipled
One of the ways American culture gets sex wrong is by linking sexual activity with assumptions of being unprincipled, unethical, and perhaps even immoral. Historically, yes, we can somewhat blame the Puritans for upholding an atmosphere of sexual vigilance, wherein any deviation from heterosexual marital intimacy was violently punished. People who had affairs, or performed […]
In Nonconcordant Arousal Lies Freedom (The Case for Sex Ed Part 8)
New to this blog post series? Check out the rest of my blog posts making a case for sex education for all. Okay, let’s say you have acquired some basic knowledge about sex (no thanks to the efforts of those trying to keep young people in the dark). You’ve probably learned that hard penis and wet vagina = […]
What is Stigma?
A lot of our cultural conversations around sexuality, STIs, slut-shaming, and more are shaped by the concept of stigma. Seems worth a blog post, right? In the academic world, stigma became an important concept with the publication of sociologist Erving Goffman’s 1963 book Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity. In it, Goffman defines stigma […]
Upholding Boundaries Feels Good
The title of this blog post is super, super obvious. At least that’s how I felt when I was writing it – but then I don’t think this concept is as prominent in our culture as it should be. Hence this post. One time, I was about to be intimate with a partner. We did […]
What If We Thought About Consent In Terms Of Food?
In my attempts to theorize consent, I sometimes think of it in terms of metaphors and stories (see my joking “tangerine consent” post for an example of this). Along those same lines, I began wondering: what if we thought of sexual consent in the same terms that we think of food? Ponder these scenarios: A woman […]