One of the ways American culture gets sex wrong is by linking sexual activity with assumptions of being unprincipled, unethical, and perhaps even immoral. Historically, yes, we can somewhat blame the Puritans for upholding an atmosphere of sexual vigilance, wherein any deviation from heterosexual marital intimacy was violently punished. People who had affairs, or performed […]
Shame
Genitals, Stigma, & Shame (or why camel toe needs to die in a fire)
I don’t know whether to blame lack of universal, accurate sex education in America, or the more general sex-negative and sex-phobic lens of mainstream American culture, but it seems to me that people don’t know what’s up with their genitals. Things having to do with genitals are largely seem as shameful, and hence too stigmatized […]
In Nonconcordant Arousal Lies Freedom (The Case for Sex Ed Part 8)
New to this blog post series? Check out the rest of my blog posts making a case for sex education for all. Okay, let’s say you have acquired some basic knowledge about sex (no thanks to the efforts of those trying to keep young people in the dark). You’ve probably learned that hard penis and wet vagina = […]
The Joys of Talking About Sex
I don’t talk about my sex life in print or in public very much. It’s not because I’m ashamed of what I do (though shame is a very pervasive force in Western conceptions of sexuality), but rather because I feel that I reach people better as an educator when I’ve got a bit more distance […]
Why I’m Silent About My Sexuality (For Now)
This is a topic that weighs heavily on me and is not easy to write about. I’m massively in favor of providing shame-free sex education, of oversharing as a political act, and of creating sex-positive learning environments. And yet I feel unable to talk about my own sexuality publicly or in print. In a way, this […]
Cognitive Dissonance & Abstinence-Only Education (The Case for Sex Ed Part 1)
I’m kicking off a new blog post series called “The Case for Sex Ed.” In it, I’ll devote each post to a facet of the larger argument in favor of comprehensive, evidence-based sex education. This first post is about the cognitive dissonance inherent in abstinence-only educational programs (not to lose sight of the fact that these […]
If You Can’t Talk About It, You Probably Shouldn’t Be Doing It
I was browsing sexuality forums recently, and saw somebody giving the advice: “If you can’t talk about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.” This notion intrigued me, so I decided to explore it further, considering how being able to verbalize one’s desires and actions can impact one’s sexual experiences and health. First, there’s your […]
Shame-Free Sex Ed
One of my goals as a sex educator is to provide information, resources, and discussion that remove shame from people’s experience of sexuality. Here are some ways that shame can negatively impact our sexual experiences, knowledges, and identities: We’re made to feel lacking or broken for what we desire It’s implied that we’re sick or […]