I’m annoyed at our sex-phobic culture a lot of the time, for a lot of reasons, but today it’s specifically because we consider it taboo to talk about sex outside of a few limited contexts. When is it okay to talk about sex? Presumably with one’s partner(s) – though in the mainstream culture it’s assumed […]
communication
Don’t Send Dick Pics of Your Brain
In the final installation of my post series beginning with thoughts on how information is not an invitation and how it’s possible to sexually harass sex educators, I’ll talk about why it’s not just graphic sexual materials that are problematic. We all know, as denizens of the internet, that it’s impolite to send dick pics. […]
Information Is Not An Invitation
There are two fantastic blog posts out there that are reminders to readers on the internet that just because someone openly blogs about their life, doesn’t mean you know them. The first is A Friendly Reminder That You Don’t Know Me by Ella Dawson; the second is A Less Than Friendly Reminder That You Don’t […]
Dancing Is All About Choices – And So Is Sex
Enjoy this vintage post from 2011, written while I was spending a year in Estonia finishing my PhD. I’ve added a picture from my time in Estonia, from a photoshoot I did with the ladies I belly danced with while there. This is to emphasize the creative choices that go into belly dancing: costuming, makeup, […]
The Misagreement
One of the biggest problems I see people in relationships of all kinds facing is miscommunication. This takes many forms: people not saying what they mean because they’re afraid to be that vulnerable, one person saying something but their partner hearing something else, total communication breakdowns where no one’s even trying, and so on. In this […]
Theorizing Consent
Consent has been on my mind lately. And since I was just at an academic conference, I’m now looking for points of convergence between the two: who has theorized consent? In which academic disciplines? For which audiences? To what effect? Sex educators have written a lot about consent, and that’s especially true on this blog. […]
Book Review: Designer Relationships (Michaels and Johnson)
While at a conference, I had the good fortune to run into Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships (Cleis Press, 2015). While chatting with them about mono-normativity and other fun stuff, their new book came up, and I expressed an interest […]
Whether It’s “Appropriate” to Write/Talk/Blog About Sex
I am occasionally seized with fear that someone will find it “inappropriate” that I talk and blog and write about sexuality as much as I do. While recently reading Mary Roach’s book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, it struck me how many sex researchers have been vilified as perverted freaks for being […]
Teaching Relationships Empowers Everyone (The Case for Sex Ed Part 7)
In this installment of my The Case for Sex Ed blog post series, I’m going to address how teaching the basics of equitable relationships as part of a sex education curriculum can improve the lives of teens and everyone. When we talk about relationships there’s a tendency to assume that we mean sexual and/or romantic […]
Making Poly (And Other) Relationships Work
I caught an interesting summary on Polyamory in the News of five things that make polyamorous relationships work. In the original article, the author (a therapist) describes the five essential components that she believes an open relationship requires in order to succeed. I mention them here because, as I’ve described in the past, often something that […]